bitterwaitress

Posted By bitter on June 22, 2009

When entering a hotel lobby at night looking for the bar - it is always a wise choice to head towards the noise of other people and of clinking glass. 

But I am in LA. Which, keeping a watchful eye on the NYC weather, I am coming to like more and more. A two bedroom in Laurel Canyon for under 800k? Reasonable, but I better pick up a few more shifts. Preferably at a bar which even the fat Texan girls and annoying Israeli’s (that’s redundant) can find easily.

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Tags: advice, bars, Israeli, LA, weather

Posted By bitter on June 6, 2009

86′d for blogging about the job. This makes me…bitter.

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Tags: Add new tag, blog, fired, Kansas City

Posted By bitter on May 30, 2009

They’re back! Well, they never really left, but they seem to be enjoying the Recession Special that is NYC fine dining. Not that Europe’s economy is doing so great but I suppose when health care is largely free and one is accustomed to relatively cheap rail travel there is more money to dispose on jaunts to NYC. But less, apparently, on tips.

However beyond matters of money - if such a thing exists in America - is the fact that these foreign tourists have gotten noticeably more obnoxious. Nowhere is this more evident than in the hallowed halls of Manhattan fine dining. (They don’t go to the outer boroughs).

Please fix the economy so we can be liberated from their tip-compromised tyranny. Here are the worst offenders:

First place (tie):

French (especially Parisians)
Israelis (are you choking or speaking?)

Second place:

Russians (no, you cannot buy the hostess)

Third Place:

The British (you lost)

Fourth Place:

Italians (yes you are prettier than most  other Eurotrash and certainly smell better, but please learn what undershirts and manners are. In that order)

Fifth Place (tie):
Southerners (You tip for shit and wonder why we equate the accent with stupidity and classlessness? And no, you cannot buy the hostess either.
She’d rather go to the Russians)
Germans (This is NYC, not Hamburg. It’s hot in the summer. Stop complaining about it)

Dishonorable mentions:
Spaniards (they’re late dinners are great for a third seating, as long as they don’t camp)
Japanese (they’ll eat the organs of any animal, raw or cooked, and tip ok. But oh they like to linger)
Australians (your accents are funny. we tolerate you because of it, and for no other reason.)

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Posted By bitter on June 2, 2009

One day I want to be a photographer. One that gets paid. So now and then I’ll post a pic. Here’s a good one. Let me know what you think!

Category: bitterspeak | 2 Comments »
Tags: careers, dreams, Greenwich Viillage, photos

Posted By bitter on May 30, 2009

Actually, another fine blog. The post about the Amex Black card makes me shudder…

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Tags: American Express, Amex, Black Card, blog

Posted By bitter on May 25, 2009

http://www.mapthefallen.org/

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Posted By bitter on May 24, 2009

In case you’re wondering how we get paid since the legitimization of tipped income, try and wrap your head around this:

http://tinyurl.com/form4070

In 20 years I have never seen nor been asked to fill out a form 4070…

Category: bitterspeak | 1 Comment »
Tags: IRS, taxes

Posted By bitter on May 14, 2009

I’ve come to notice that the more people spend at high-end boutiques - and the more precious, over-designed shopping bags they arrive with - the more likely they are to lose things, things like sunglasses, wallets, Blackberries (no one loses iPhones), their child. It’s not that they are so laden down with the last burning embers of capitalism either. Rather, it’s part of their self-absorbtion, as if the camera lost them, as if it’s expected that someone would recover their Prada sunglasses before they were even aware they were gone. Service, Danny Meyer style.

I understand it’s stressful to lose something like a wallet. Actually, no I don’t. I’ve never lost my wallet in my life. Even while so drunk I careened down two flights of stairs onto the Broadway-Lafayette F-train platform (not an isolated event by any means). Even while hurridly dressing to get out of someone’s bedroom before our little tryst was discovered. Nope. Never (go ahead Fate, have your way with me). Maybe I never lost my wallet because that’s where I kept my blow. (more…)

Category: bitterspeak | 3 Comments »
Tags: Add new tag, busboy, children, Danny Meyer

Posted By bitter on February 4, 2009

I just can’t do it. I just can’t let someone wait on me.

It’s not a fear, a phobia, or an anxiety. It’s not that another server couldn’t do the jos as well as I (they can’t though). It’s more of a compulsion. I just caught myself doing it here at my secret coffee/laptop haunt (Prince restaurant on, well, Prince Street. if you must know). While eating my lemon poppy muffin - which was unexpectedly and wonderfully warmed for me - I immediately had to deal with every crumb. I’m not talking about a casual swipe onto the plate when I was finished. Nope - mini clean up, bite after bite.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Is this what I fear - has the restaurant business become a compulsion for me? Is serving others so wired into me that I do it unconsciously and predictably, kind of like Rosie the Robot? Oh good lord I hope not. But I just can’t leave a mess. (taken literally, metaphorically it’s an entirely different statement).

Please let some one serve me. Or at least service me (as in fix).

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Tags: Add new tag, coffee, NYC, SoHo, waiting

Posted By bitter on May 14, 2009

Here’s a fun new blog. Be nice to see how the author’s voice develops as the content increases. Check it out. I dream of Chisa and I going to Pinkberry late on a Monday, both getting small Poms with mochi and fruity pebbles. But I dream a lot.

And here’s another one! This one is a little bit more narrative, and looks great!

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Posted By bitter on May 6, 2009

One thing I would like to contribute to the lexicon of the restaurant business is a(nother) phrase, term, slang whatever. Something to further the jargon of our industry. Like “86″ or “campers” or “Siberia” or “bitterwaitress.” Consider this part of my legacy.

My contribution is “In the Rough.” In the Rough describes that state that precedes “in the weeds,” that point in service where one more thing that goes wrong - say a returned drink, a change in order mid-meal - will send you over the edge. Here you are in the rough (no more quotation marks at this point).

Please help me propagate this phrase. Use it, share it, spread it like swine flu. In other words, help me win a bet that within six weeks servers in NYC will be using it without prodding.

Of course I’ll be in LA for Bittercon by then!

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Tags: Bittercon, LA, NYC

Posted By bitter on May 5, 2009

Pepsi made with sugar, not corn syrup, like it used to be.

edit:  takes okay, actually less cola flavor, but certainly less cloying

Category: bitterspeak | 1 Comment »
Tags: Add new tag, Pepsi, soda